Here are some things to think about when you’re preparing to talk with others about your diagnosis and treatment:

• Make a list of people you want to talk with. Note which people you’d like to talk with first.¹
• Decide how you’ll talk with each person on your list. Will it be face-to-face? On the phone? A video call?
• Make sure you’re comfortable and can focus. If you’re going to talk with someone face-to-face, choose a place where you won’t be distracted. For a phone call or video call, agree on a convenient time.
• Decide what and how much you want to tell each person. This may be different depending on the person you’re talking with.¹
• Be prepared to explain your condition and your treatment.¹
• Don’t feel pressured to talk about anything you don’t want to share.
• A good rule of thumb is to not talk about timelines. No one can predict the future, and the important thing is to focus on the present.

Most people you talk with will want to ask how they can help you. Think about what each person can offer and be ready to tell them how they can help.

If you have children or grandchildren, you may wonder how you can talk with them about melanoma and its treatment. In general, it’s better to be honest and explain it in a way they can understand. Age is an important factor when deciding what to share.

Talking with younger children

• Give very simple explanations of what’s happening and repeat them often.²
• Use a doll to show where the cancer is in your body.³
• Explain that they cannot “catch” cancer from you.⁴
• Keep the conversation short. Young children have short attention spans.³
• Ask if they have any questions. If you don’t know the answer to a question, it’s OK to say you don’t know.⁴
• Reassure them that you can still have fun together.⁵
• Check on the child’s understanding of what’s happening.²

Talking with older children

• Explain the type of cancer and give them an overview of your treatment plan.
• Explain how living with cancer can affect you—both emotionally and physically—but that this doesn’t change who you are as a person.
• Reassure them that you can still spend quality time together.⁵
• Reassure them without making promises about the future. Let them know that your healthcare team is doing all they can for you.⁵
• Explain that they cannot “catch” cancer from you.⁴
• Tell them they did not cause the cancer by their thoughts or behaviors, nor can they control it by their thoughts or behaviors.⁴
• If your disease is progressing, you may want to ask, “How do you think I am doing now?” They may sense that your condition is getting worse by the way you’re acting or the way you look, or that you are not doing as much as you used to do.⁶
• If you are not responding to treatment, tell them that the medication that was supposed to control your cancer is no longer working. Perhaps say something like, “The treatment the doctors have been giving me isn’t working anymore.”⁶
• Encourage them to express their feelings, and let them know that it’s normal to feel that way.⁷
• Ask if they have any questions. If you don’t know the answer to a question, it’s OK to say you don’t know.⁴

It can be helpful to talk with your employer and coworkers about your diagnosis and treatment. However, you may want to consider your work environment and culture. Has anyone else had cancer or another serious illness? How was it handled? Make sure you understand your rights as an employee. Many people with cancer fear discrimination in the workplace.

Decide who you want to tell and how much information you want to disclose. If you do choose to tell your coworkers, it may be important to set expectations about your role on the team and other changes that may occur.

1. American Cancer Society. Telling others about your cancer. Treatment & Support. https://www.cancer.org/treatment/understanding-your-diagnosis/telling-others-about-your-cancer.html.
2. American Cancer Society. Helping children when a family member has cancer: dealing with a parent’s terminal illness—children age 3 to 5. Treatment & Support. https://www.cancer.org/treatment/children-and-cancer/when-a-family-member-has-cancer/dealing-with-parents-terminal-illness/preschool.html.
3. Dana Farber Cancer Institute. For parents: talking with children about cancer. For Patients and Families. https://www.dana-farber.org/for-patients-and-families/care-and-treatment/support-services-and-amenities/family-connections/for-the-patient/talking-with-children-about-cancer.
4. US National Library of Medicine. Talking with a child about a parent’s terminal illness. Medline Plus: Medical Encyclopedia. https://medlineplus.gov/ency/patientinstructions/000848.htm.
5. Breastcancer.org. Talking to young children. Day-to-Day Matters. https://www.breastcancer.org/tips/telling_family/young_kids.
6. American Cancer Society. Helping children when a family member has cancer: dealing with a parent’s terminal illness—how do I talk to my children about dying? Treatment & Support. https://www.cancer.org/treatment/children-and-cancer/when-a-family-member-has-cancer/dealing-with-parents-terminal-illness/how-to-explain-to-child.html.
7. American Cancer Society. Helping children when a family member has cancer: dealing with a parent’s terminal illness—children age 6 to 8. Treatment & Support. https://www.cancer.org/treatment /children-and-cancer/when-a-family-member-has-cancer/dealing-with-parents-terminal-illness/six-to-eight.html.