WHAT I'M CURRENTLY LIVING FOR

























Sun, good food and her last days of being an only child. I don't know this feeling when sharing is an option, I don't know life without company, my brother is only a year younger then me. When I look back I see mess I didn't necessarily make myself, I hear my name shouted loud in different tones, I recall mornings I woke up to a voice I will always recognize. And fights I was no stranger to almost daily. So when our every day will be so very different, I'm eager to witness Nadia transforming into somebody else, a big sister, companion and still a child that wants to play on her own, slow-paced, undisturbed for more than half the time. It will be a wonderful transition to witness yet one I'm not fully prepared for. Because what does one teach specifically about sharing, accepting and understanding after years of doing it occasionally and sometimes with a little more encouragement? I'm not so very worried about the sharing part too much though, Nadia is naturally kind and inclined to part with an object of interest almost willingly, what needs redefining is to maintain the space and pace that comes with it. Things will be removed, broken and crumpled. Things will disappear any hour of the day. She will not always be happy with it or accept it this way, she may act cool or totally opposite but I place trust in ourselves to figure it out as we go by.

We're about to introduce an element of the unknown to her. Well, all of us but mostly her. So far she's been totally into everything that comes with this change - talking about it and preparing for her brother's arrival gives her thrills. Her imagination bursts in ideas I could hardly think of the first time round, it feels so empowering knowing she's so in control. And maybe that's the answer to my worries and all? To leave her as much control over daily activities as reasonably possible so anything that shifts slightly aside be still fascinating and taste sweet without adding or taking too much away.

At times I want to freeze this time left to becoming a family of four, to savour her more and enjoy her presence to the silly brim. To shower her with attention not known to a child before. Yet I cannot wait to meet my little man, I refuse to postpone dreaming of those two turkeys meeting, getting to know each other and loving the way only siblings can.

Nadia is a sensitive girl with a big heart but sometimes she tries to cover her true feelings, heads to her bedroom and until I go after her to comfort, she'll be sat there overanalyzing her little worries. He may not understand it at first but walking after her trying to comfort her his way will always bring those two together. I am sure of that. I can picture Nadia smiling shyly then curling her feet on the bed to escape little hands trying to reach her, jumping away or helping him to the bed for some silly activity. It will be both awesome and overwhelming -- new life with a good deal of creative compromise and many opportunities to not take things too seriously. We are ready. x

1 comment:


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