I haven't answered that many 'how are you?' and 'how are you doing?' questions in my entire life as this past few months. Everyone wants to know how I/we are coping, how things get turned around from completely unplanned to definitely working. It's sweet, it's intimidating, it's just a part of life we're temporarily in. For the most part, I feel we've been in control. Generally on top of things. For some parts destiny's gentle hand was far off and barely seen from a short distance. It ranged from dealing with a whirlwind of emotions, powerful hormones and fast reactions, doubts about the future and the state of our present, finances and energy to handle it well. If done correctly, it's just a phrase in life - overwhelming and potentially never-ending but we all know that nothing lingers for long. Especially the bad as there is so much good to relish and continues to be if noticed and cherished daily. We got accustomed to harder times like bees fly around to expand their territory to forage for food in periods of climate change or loss of natural habitat. And we're busy as them too.
They say (who are they, anyway?) there's never right time to become a parent, that we're never ready to juggle more things than humanly possible. I say, we're always ready to love. I say, we're always ready to give encouragement and hope, that our hearts are never full enough not to fill them up with the best of feelings. And when are we going to be ready if not now? Today, here, at present? Yesterday faded away far too quickly, tomorrow may never come but each breath and blink makes us fully aware of the space we have to fill in great detail NOW. Once a decision is made, a certain vision is tightly affixed to it and one thinks nothing will ever be possible to see it in a different light. Even though time flies and changes perspectives, shifts moods, moves mountains, creates miracles. Or all of them at once.
How I am? How I am doing? I can see a little more clearly everyday what's ahead of us in getting through to the other side. The side of an established routine, enough money coming in each month, relived stress, energy restored miraculously and shared in abundance. The side where sense of having it under a total control is regained. But... how unrealistic does it sound? How optimistic yet surreal? As if having control was ever possible. As if getting it back in order was ever achievable. I say, let's enjoy this moment in time. The good, the bad and the ugly. Not always joyful, more times through tears and speechless gasps, it's a way too.
I'm fine, I'm good, we're getting through. I appreciate your well wishes and concerned looks, I'm grateful for your offerings and feel no need for stopping accepting it. You know who you are - giving me a lift, supporting our budget, picking up Nadia from school, I plan our whole existence around your kindness. Thank you.
And although Damian may be adding his unwanted five pence to the whirlwind of the last 35 weeks making me consider committing a crime at least once daily, he's also been the biggest support with his mind totally fixed on wellbeing of our small tribe. I am a demanding tenant and him trying to cope with everything these days is beyond my comprehension. Taking time to breathe through it he's rarely allowed, there are endless tasks rapidly expanding if not handled on time. He's who I was exactly looking for, I hope I'm still the one he wants to keep discovering. In good and bad, sickness and health, till death do us part... and our bank account regains its strength.
We're getting through.