by - Thursday, March 03, 2016

Since the day I laid my eyes on you I can hardly take them away. I can tell your face expressions by heart and your trait arrangement at any time of day and night. Today I'm seeing you differently. It's not that you've grown or developed new habits, likes and dislikes. Or that you like to tie your hair the new way, the way most six year old and older girls tend to get complemented for. It's a new role you've excitedly been practicing between drawing ponies and painting your nails the brightest pink. You're still my only and beautiful one needing assistance with things I will never refuse you assistance with. You're still welcome in the big bed in the morning accompanied by the bunch of your favourite toys that seem to share the same sleeping and waking times as you. You're still the one my arms know best and seek constantly at stupid hours - when you're busy drawing, scribbling, promising on brushing your teeth straight afterwards. You're still the only one I'm savoring ahead of time knowing soon we'll start sharing things like candy, space at the table or a hook in the bathroom. I'll share my arms you know so well it overwhelms. I'll divide, portion and slice. Time, space, arms and my heart.

You're ready to take on the new role as if you've always known there was meant to be a company in your life. You're so excited and your heart rate changes each and all of the time your brother is mentioned or seen dancing in my belly way after his soon-to-be bedtime. Time is non existent then because you make it fun and silly, hurting my ligaments already stretched as old chewing gum or pair of polyester tights. Because I know you love him already, the entire chunk of time called pregnancy has been your own in loving. You greet him at the wee hours and kiss him (my belly) goodnight when you're no longer capable of absorbing more that day. He's a lucky little turkey. The size of a butternut squash by the way. And in breech position but that's a story for another chapter here.

Today I see somebody else. With a drop of sadness but a whole stream of pride and satisfaction. I see the very picture of my right hand, not a helper and assistant in sleep deprived universe but a fully capable of deciding and coming with her own solutions partner in all things blue has a new meaning to. I tell you this. And your eyes light up like a snack is at hand (and you've only had a handful of it a minute ago). You know all of this because it's who you are, the very best sister before even meeting your brother. The better version of us, devoted, loving but mistakes making parents. And I'll have you know, you'll be loved in return. I can't wait to stand beside to witness and love you even more.

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