by - Wednesday, April 01, 2015

how are you feeling, two girls, family, thoughts on things, todaymyway.com

Hi, hello! Yes, how are you feeling?! I'm fine on this side, just glutted with warm underwear and even warmer outer fabrics. Don't quote me on that but it's true. I was going to write about a family evening and even had a first paragraph formulated but then life happened. You know, the kind of life when you think less of yourself and with a bit of strategy and technique make things happen (laundry not included). And then a friend date was a better option that came with small clumps of rice with sliced fish pressed on top and I couldn't refuse. The day was fantastic, it offered opportunity to act and think, to stop and sniff, taste and be present. To put my camera away. The reality of writing about one's life is pretty simple - it works like a well oiled machine: planning, scheduling, achieving, moving on. I could never work out the business side of it, it was always fun to snap and then share, now the more I'm into it, the less fun it can be. Because I'm documenting our lives, it affects our lives accordingly. It became uneasy. I started having doubts. I was willing to give in.

How many times a blogger considers quitting? Not analyzing and uploading but not being present while at it? Eating and not tasting, looking but not seeing, typing and not connecting. Carrying half a kilo of lens and camera body everywhere is a burden at times, like carrying a toolbox or cans of paint to dinner, gym and probably stopping by the grocery store. Am I paying attention? To the light exposure and the right angle, most definitely to keywords and catchy titles. Yes, I do. Now I'm willing to shift. To feel first, plan the excitement and decide to document it. Or deliberately not. I don't have to photograph every nigiri platter in my life, I can let that opportunity easily slip away. Some platters will more likely get discussed, others may never make to Instagram and that's fine. Totally achievable. There's never going to be a perfect balance, there's always going to be an object that will make it to this space for the sake of keeping it up and running. And it's fine as long as cooking dinner, watching my child grow up will feel more real. Physically exhausting and emotionally challenging, experienced with each nerve and muscle. It works for me. Life works for me. Blogging is optional. 

And then Natalie Jean arrived and it was so easy to take care of the rest of my evening. xx

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