ASSUMING THERE WILL BE MEMORIES WE WANT TO REMEMBER
It's cool to be a woman. Adventurous, focused on herself and others, independent. Believing in herself no matter what. It's cool to be a grown woman. Able to understand, give affection and attention or show the door when needed. It's also cool to be a woman in love with a man who is a total support whatever his woman sets her eyes on (thank you, Dee!).
It's cool to be a friend - let it be your spouse, relative, stranger. I tried steering away from mentioning some e-mail conversations I had with my close cousin-become-friend for the past weeks (my head is spinning from recent challenges!) but it did have had an impact on me even though I didn't want to live through them. I am the last one to hold grudges against anything (eight leg creatures excluded) or dwell on the past so big was my surprise how many accusations she displayed. I still can't take my head around this and although I strongly believe in talking about what you're not happy about it is obvious the only way to seemingly and temporarily for her to feel better is to put me down. I fear arguing but silence and ignorance after expressing readiness for 'making it work' makes this whole situation bittersweet. Sometimes friendship starts with a bang, sometimes it's how it ends. I'd like to stay on the brighter, hopeful side that we will laugh just like before (that just means a lot more catching up to do later ;).
Also my brother has flown back to Poland weeks ago and I had plenty of time to reflect over the events of last month. Starting anew can be a little intimidating but I am sure he will do just fine while secretly wishing he will be back to the UK just in a couple of weeks after I make some phone calls and tirelessly flip through endless newspaper adverts. Amidst all the emotions my brother brought to our walls I've always focused on the positive side of events encouraging productivity and fun. Some days were tense, other were plentiful in hope and excitement so we had more reasons to continue with knocking on office doors and simply took every day as it came. For the first tearful hour after he'd been gone I felt I disappointed him entirely, maybe not with the lack of effort but by arousing an unnecessary hope he came to revise. He's not one of those men that eat you alive but we were working on that part. It got better every day. As usual, some steps backwards but still more forward. Results will come, I’m sure.
As a result of this low mood lately I have been embracing our family quality time even more - remembering that Nadia is going to the nursery this September I will hold her for as long as I can or at least until her squished cheeks cannot tolerate it anymore. It's okay to feel blue sometimes and content the day after.
Hope you're having a great week! x